What I Say Instead of “Good Job” to My Toddler

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I used to say “good job” a dozen times a day—and I truly thought I was doing the right thing. Like many parents, I wanted to cheer my toddler on and boost her confidence. But over time, I started questioning whether those words were doing what I hoped.

Were they empowering her, or just teaching her to look to me for approval? If you’ve ever wondered the same, and you’re searching for more intentional parenting tips or better ways to say “good job”, you’re in the right place.

What began as a small shift in my language led to a big shift in our relationship. In this post, I’ll share why I stepped away from reflexive praise, what I now say instead, and how it’s helped my toddler grow into someone who feels proud of herself—no gold stars required. Sometimes, the smallest changes make the biggest difference.

Parenting is full of tiny moments that shape how our children see themselves—and us. The words we choose matter more than we often realize.

Let’s take a closer look at why I made this change, and what I say now instead of “good job.”

Why I Quit Saying “Good Job”

At first, “good job” felt like a natural way to connect. It slipped out easily when my toddler put on her shoes, helped clean up, or completed a puzzle. It was a positive and encouraging experience, reflecting how I expressed love and pride. But then I started noticing something subtle: she began looking to me for validation every time she did something new. Instead of celebrating her own effort, she was waiting to see if I was happy with her.

That’s when I realized that constant praise, even well-meaning, was sending the wrong message. It was turning me into the measuring stick. And that’s not what I wanted.

I wanted her to feel proud because she worked hard. I wanted her to trust her own instincts, not rely on my approval. Saying “good job” wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t building the kind of inner confidence I hoped to nurture. So, I decided to try something different.

When we shift from praise to presence, we teach our kids to trust their own voice, not just ours.

What I Say Instead-and Why It Matters

Once I stepped away from the automatic “good job,” I needed something meaningful to replace it. I didn’t want to leave a void—I wanted to fill it with words that truly supported my child’s growth. The shift wasn’t about withholding praise but about offering encouragement that built her confidence from the inside out. Instead of focusing on outcomes or approval, I began choosing phrases that reflected presence, effort, and self-awareness.

These simple shifts in language have helped foster deeper connections and independence. Here are some of the phrases I use now, and the reasons why they matter.

“You worked really hard on that.”
This celebrates effort, not just achievement. I want my toddler to know that hard work and persistence are valuable, even when the result isn’t perfect. It teaches her that trying is something to be proud of.

“You looked so focused while you were doing that.”
Noticing her concentration helps her recognize what it feels like to be engaged and present. It tells her that I value her process, not just the end result—and that I’m paying attention to how she experiences things.

“How do you feel about it?”
Instead of giving her my opinion, I invite hers. This simple question helps her tune into her own thoughts and feelings, and encourages self-reflection and emotional awareness. It empowers her to develop internal motivation.

“You kept trying even when it was tricky!”
I use this when she’s faced a challenge—whether it’s putting on socks or building something that kept falling down. It emphasizes resilience and shows her that mistakes or struggles are a natural part of learning.

“You made a choice to…”
I love this phrase because it reminds her that she’s in control of her actions. Whether it’s “You made a choice to help your friend” or “You made a choice to keep going,” it affirms her independence and decision-making.

Describing what I see
Sometimes, the best thing I can do is simply reflect what happened: “You stacked six blocks in a row!” or “You put all your books back on the shelf.” This shows her that I’m present and noticing, without needing to judge or label what she’s done.

These phrases may seem small, but they have a big impact. They help my child understand herself, not just how to please me, and that’s exactly the kind of foundation I want to build.

What I’ve Noticed Since Making the Shift

Since I stopped reflexively saying “Good job,” something beautiful has started happening.

My toddler has become more aware of herself. She smiles because she’s proud, not just because I said something. She narrates her choices (“I did it all by myself!”), and she’s more curious about how things work than if she did them “right.”

I’m not perfect—sometimes “Good job” still slips out. But now, I catch myself. I pause. I choose something more intentional. And that little shift has changed the way we connect.

You don’t have to stop saying ‘good job’—start noticing the why behind your words.

In the End, It’s About Connection

Parenting a toddler is a daily whirlwind of joy, chaos, and growth—for them and us. Choosing our words mindfully is one small step toward raising kids who feel seen, capable, and confident from the inside out.

So if you find yourself saying “Good job” on autopilot, know this: you’re not doing anything wrong. But if you’re curious, try switching it up. Your toddler might surprise you with what they discover—about the world, and about themselves.